It's all about the J.O.B.

I didn't get the job.

I interviewed. I thought I did well...they seemed to like me...I thought I had all the right answers to their questions.

Of course, I'm 3 years out of practice in holding a job of any kind. And it was probably at least 5 years before that period that I actually had to sit down for an interview. I may be a bit rusty in that regard, but I tried to be outwardly confident, even if I felt inwardly clueless.

The job was at a bank. Just the fact that I even applied at a bank should be more shocking than the fact that they didn't give me the job.

I hate numbers. I hate tedium. I hate spreadsheets and calculations and I would even go so far as to say I hate money. Well, ok, my hatred is not for money, but for the idea of being responsible to handle somebody else's money.

So why did I even apply for a job that I may well have abhorred within the first hour of my first day? Because I am bored. And also because we need the extra income.

In Hawaii, I didn't have to work. I got to be the stay-at-home-mom with our newborn daughter and my two school-age children. The reason we were able to swing this at the time was due to our cost of living allowance (COLA), supplied helpfully by the USAF to help us defer the extraordinary cost of living on an island. This COLA was roughly equal to the income that would have been generated by a modest (part-time) second income. It was very nice. And considering we lived frugally during our time in Hawaii, we managed to get by quite easily.

But now, back on the mainland, the USAF has rudely taken away our COLA. We are back to the base pay of a Technical Sargent, which isn't awful, but is hardly enough to do much more than pay the mortgage and the utilities. We don't eat out much anymore. Our days of fillin' the cart with cool stuff at Target are in the past. The kids don't get new shoes until I figure out when we can afford new shoes. So what if Elysse's boots have a hole in them and the sole flops like a dead fish when she walks to the bus stop? She doesn't mind!

I mean, we're just making sacrifices now that maybe make us realize how good we've had it in the past. We're hardly destitute. We have a lovely home, two cars, plenty of gadgets, and nobody's going hungry. But you know, it's nicer to live without always having that voice in the back of your mind questioning you about your toilet paper purchase.

"Why you gotta get the fancy stuff? The kids don't notice if it's not quilted! The generic brand is on sale!"

I hate that voice. I like the good T.P. It's a luxury I'm willing to face a dreary day job to afford.

So anyway, I'm out there again. Looking for the "perfect" job. The one that pays good, with about 20-25 hours a week, nearby my house, with plenty of flexibility in scheduling that will never force me to work on a major holiday and never make my children into latch key kids.

I'm already learning that I can't get it all, but I'm willing to settle for getting most.

That bank job was my second interview since we've moved to Washington. I was offered the first job, but turned it down (take my word for it, it wasn't right for me). The bank position was a step into an unknown for me. I was willing to give it a go, even though I hate banks so much that I actually joined one that is completely virtual (I never set foot inside a real bank).

I would have taken that job for the money. But they didn't offer it to me. So thats a moot point.

I'm still looking. I would really like to do something that makes a difference somehow, not just answering a telephone or staring at a computer screen all day. I'm open minded. I'm looking at jobs I might not have ever considered before. One thing I do have on my side is my confidence. I'm not afraid to walk into an interview, having zero skills in that field, and tell them I'm a quick learner. I wouldn't mind taking less money if the hours were great. And conversely, if the hours were longer, but the pay was great, I might consider that one too.

But I'm trying not to take today's rejection personally. Maybe, like my church friends would say, God knows what's best for me and I haven't found it yet. Or maybe that bank manager saw right through my showy confidence, and saw my burning flame of hatred for all that is mundane in the banking world.

I'm hoping for the best in the job hunt. But right now, I'm getting ready to go on a 2 week vacation (paid for a long time ago, with tax refund cash), and not think about anything at all. Not my bills, not my skills, not a single thing, but relaxation and fun. I can't wait.